After The Gig

Last week, after the gig, I just wanted to go, not talk to anyone, or pack away my amps and lights and table and props, just leave them all there, and go. It’s about the only time I feel anything like fragile, and I either want to be with someone who loves me to bits, or alone.

These first Vegas Or Bust shows, a heady mix of motivation, magic and love, are the toughest, just because there is so much new content,

I was 20 minutes late getting there, still plenty of time to set up, load my jacket, clip on a mic and do a sound check, but exactly 20 minutes short of time for my mental get ready, to set myself in hyper alert, happy as you like, 100% loved up state, so I had to start the gig behind the game.

It was a small gig, the most demanding, in a great venue, and the lovely owner, who loves my work, ended his intro by saying that my magic depressed him! Not perfect, but it made me laugh.

The show went well, the magic was good, but I just knew that without my superpower state and with a lot of new content to work in, I didn’t love enough, didn’t connect enough, and it felt like I left people wanting, a bit.

I gathered everything up and tossed it in the boot of my car, shook a few hands, gave a few hugs, and headed off, dumped everything in my hallway, turned off my mobile and headed over to a friend’s house nearby. I just wanted to kill a couple of hours, before I faced my music.

He made me a pot of coffee, rolled a couple of, let’s say, great cigarettes, and told me some wild tales from his successful, off-grid life, and I’ll probably use one of his stories in a future gig. I walked home about 2am.

I sat at my desk, lit a couple of candles and turned my mobile back on, noticed the complete lack of ‘thanks for a great show’ messages, letting me know I was right about coming up a little short.

I silently asked the universe for help, and straight away my phone pinged, a pic a friend had taken of me at the gig, and I opened it, saw it was way out of focus, and just sat for a while, tears in my eyes (it could have been the blue contact lens), in the candlelight.

I did the only thing I know, picked up my pencil and wrote myself right, notes to myself, mostly, on what I did well, on how to do better, and reshaping the show, making it sharper, and more likely to fit in one small box, for a faster getaway. I also made a clear resolution to never start a show until I was ready, I can forgive myself for being late (this show was the first time for years and years), and so would the audience, if I delivered.

After an hour I was done, and thanked the universe for the input, and again, about a minute later, my phone pinged.

It was a message from a reader, something of a rarity, asking if I could please do my blog as an audio, because it would mean more hearing me, or as a video, and that’s what I’ll do, working on it already.

I smoked a couple of cigarettes, drank more coffee, slept for a few hours, woke with the sun, and with a smile on my face. Another lovely day, and the universe has my back, and I’ll take that in a sixpence.

And, Dear Reader, in case you’re wondering, I’m beaming you big love, as always. X